Harville Hendrix’s “Getting the Love You Want” is a revolutionary self-help book aimed at improving the success of romantic relationships. While it draws on many established psychological theories, Hendrix has a unique approach to therapy that builds off of the work of Carl Rogers. The method, known as Imago Therapy, is based on the assumption that romantic relationships are affected by both individuals’ past experiences, rather than solely the present moment. This means that the dynamics of any current relationship are deeply rooted in a person’s past, especially regarding the relationships that person had as a child.
The general premise of the book is that by acknowledging and understanding the ways in which both parties are affected by their past, communication within the relationship can be improved, allowing both parties to not only be heard, but to make changes in the relationship where possible. Furthermore, Hendrix suggests that understanding these roots can help two people restore a sense of connection that has been lacking, as well as break through any power struggles that may have formed. He explains how to create an atmosphere of safety and trust within a relationship, with a focus on validating the feelings of both partners.
As the author states, “We must learn to trust the other person’s expertise in deciphering their own experience.” In other words, all partners must be able to openly discuss and express their feelings, as well as truly listen when the other person is speaking. In addition, couples counseling and personalized exercises are a focus of the book, emphasizing the importance of honesty, self-respect, and the preservation of autonomy in a healthy relationship.
When followed, Hendrix’s methods can lead to extraordinary results. He explains how a couple can have a “conscious relationship,” one where the partners are emotionally connected and able to work together towards a common goal: both long-term and short-term relationship satisfaction. By helping to create a deeper understanding of one’s own past, identifying and expunging negative behavior patterns, and providing some simple in-the-moment communication techniques, “Getting the Love You Want” provides readers with the tools to build a stronger, more intimate relationship.
Through his work, Hendrix has succeeded in providing the readers of the book with practical advice that works to understand and strengthen their relationships. With its easy-to-follow structure and easy-to-understand language, “Getting the Love You Want” is an excellent choice for anyone looking for an effective pathway to a more successful and unified relationship.
