Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box by The Arbinger Institute
Leadership and Self-Deception has become something of a classic within the business world. Written by the Arbinger Institute, it has sold millions of copies around the world and is considered one of the most influential books on leadership, self-growth, and group performance. Its enduring popularity is due in part to its message of self-awareness, but also because it offers practical advice on how to make use of that awareness to enact real-world change.
Leadership and Self-Deception revolves around the concept of “the box.” This is the conceptual place where people tend to stay while they are in conflict or when they feel powerless in a relationship. Being in “the box” allows them to escape the uncomfortable emotions that come with conflict or power dynamics. It’s a place of avoidance and of rationalizing. The book’s premise is that if we want to achieve true collaboration and trust, or to be able to lead effectively, we must first get out of the box.
The Arbinger Institute illustrates how “the box” keeps us from seeing things from another person’s perspective. When we’re in the box, we’re trapped in our own irrational beliefs and expectations of how others should behave. As the authors state, “What we fail to see is the grip of our own self-deception—the profound ways in which we deceive ourselves into thinking that we are right and our opponents are wrong.” This self-deception, in turn, keeps us from being able to communicate effectively and create meaningful relationships. The book urges us to recognize that getting out of the box requires more than just seeing our own viewpoint. It requires us to sincerely consider the feelings and perspectives of others, something that is not always easy to do.
In order to provide insightful and practical advice for getting out of the box, The Arbinger Institute breaks the process down into four steps. The first is to become self-aware, which means recognizing that we have placed ourselves in the box in the first place. From there, we must shift to an outward mindset, meaning looking outwards in the direction of the other person and genuinely considering their viewpoint. We must do this without judgment or blame. Once we’ve acknowledged the other person’s position, the third step involves initiating a conversation or dialogue to discuss the issues. Finally, the fourth step is to take ownership of the issue, whether it be a conflict or a problem, and take the necessary steps to resolve it.
Throughout the book, the Arbinger Institute emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and understanding the implications of the box in terms of how it limits our ability to lead, to collaborate and to ultimately improve our lives. It offers a framework of motivation and self-improvement that is applicable to any situation, from the corporate boardroom to the family dining table. By examining and understanding the concept of “the box,” and taking steps to get out of it, Leadership and Self-Deception encourages us to free ourselves from our own irrational beliefs and ultimately lead better lives.