Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well by Sheila Heen, Douglas Stone

Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well is a book by Sheila Heen, a Harvard Law School professor and leading expert on feedback. The book examines the benefits, difficulties, and complexities of learning to receive feedback from others, and how to use it productively in order to improve relationships.

For many, the idea of feedback brings about a sense of fear and anxiety. The prospect of being judged or receiving negative feedback can be daunting. In Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well, Sheila Heen helps readers understand how to take feedback, no matter how it is delivered and how uncomfortable it may be, and use it to become better versions of themselves. Through personal stories and interviews with experts, Heen guides readers through the process of accepting feedback, learning from it, and growing.

Heen explains that feedback comes in three forms: appreciation, coaching, and evaluation. Appreciation expresses gratitude or praise for a job well done. Coaching can offer advice and direction for future improvement, while evaluation provides a judgement on a person’s performance. Because feedback is often delivered in different forms, it is essential to learn to decipher which type of feedback is being offered so that one can respond appropriately.

Furthermore, Heen describes the importance of understanding the source of feedback. Unsolicited feedback is typically more difficult to swallow, and should be taken with a grain of salt. On the other hand, feedback from someone who knows and cares for us can be more beneficial and easier to digest. Understanding the source of feedback is helpful in putting it into perspective, and recognizing where it is coming from can help us to use it productively.

Heen’s primary focus, however, is the skill of learning the art of reception— the ability to listen, process, and accept the feedback with an open mind. Heen urges readers to focus on identifying the areas which can be improved, rather than procrastinating or taking it defensively. By actively listening, we can better appreciate and understand what is being said.

In addition, Heen explains that although giving and receiving feedback can be difficult, it is crucial to the development of any relationship. Heen outlines the five steps of the “Feedback Conversation Model” which help to keep conversations focused and constructive. These steps include reflection and clarity, check-in to the conversation, exchange of information, conversation, and assessment. This model encourages a productive exchange of feedback, allowing both parties to have their say, be heard and understood, and move forward in their relationship.

At its core, Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well offers an understanding of how to accept feedback, both positively and constructively. With this understanding comes the opportunity to improve our relationships and our lives. By learning to embrace feedback, we can use it constructively to our benefit and the benefit of those around us.