I Don't Want to Talk About It by Terrence Real

Terrence Real's book “I Don’t Want to Talk About It” is an invaluable resource for anyone struggling with emotional and relationship issues. It offers a path to understanding and healing by examining the problem of emotional avoidance and teaching readers how to relate more effectively to their own and others’ emotional expressions.

Real provides an in-depth exploration of emotional avoidance, a condition he defines as “the habitual and pervasive refusal to both recognize and express feelings in order to avoid a sense of discomfort.” He identifies three primary mental blocks underlying emotional avoidance, illustrating each with vivid examples, and then offers six strategies for overcoming them. Along the way, the reader is guided through exercises, including strength-based worksheets, and rewarded with insight, support, and practical guidance.

Part One of Real’s book examines the three primary blocks behind emotional avoidance. He discusses the fear of both feeling and expressing emotion, a fear that may be rooted in childhood experiences of parental derision and criticism of such feelings. He also goes into great detail about the phenomenon of emotional invalidation, which can be understood as the denial and/or dismissal of another person’s emotional response. Finally, the author looks at the fundamentally different ways men and women process and manage emotion. By addressing all these issues, Real serves to demystify and normalize avoiding emotion, and to challenge traditional gender roles and stereotypes.

In Part Two, the author offers six strategies for readers to mobilize and use their own feelings in positive, effective ways. He shows us how to embrace the central importance of feelings in our lives rather than deny them, and to view feeling as an integral part of relationship. He also teaches us how to tip the scales away from avoidance, to reflect back and validate our emotions, and to be honest about what we need and want. Above all, Real teaches us to trust ourselves and our own judgment, encouraging readers to speak and listen honestly and to discern their own truth.

Real’s book is both passionate and sensitive--he never shies away from difficult topics and never takes a one-dimensional view. His holistic take on emotional avoidance makes the book all the more valuable and allows readers to finish with a deep and lasting insight into the harmful effects of this condition and how to overcome it. For anyone hoping to develop a stronger sense of self, enhance their relationships, and build a better understanding of their own and others’ emotions, “I Don't Want to Talk About It” is an invaluable source of help and guidance.