The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired by Daniel Siegel, Tina Payne Bryson

There is no contesting that the everyday stresses of parenting are unimaginable. However, according to renowned child mental health advocate and bestselling author Daniel Siegel, it is exactly this family involvement, or 'showing up' for our children, that has one of the strongest impacts on the way our kids develop, learn, and become the people we want them to be. In his 2008 publication, The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired, Siegel looks into the science behind displaying emotional availability, by examining the understanding of neuroscience and its profound effect on a child's foundation for a healthy emotional life.

Siegel begins his discussion by emphasizing the importance of emotional availability. He argues that this basic moment-to-moment presence is essential for a child's proper development, as it helps with their capacity for empathy, relationship building, and self-control. The approach of providing emotional availability and support is based on the idea that if a child is feeling safe and acknowledged, they will develop an inner sense of security which allows them to function at their best.

In the Power of Showing Up, Siegel considers the importance of creating an 'affect-regulating brain', which entails working to build emotional resilience and self-regulation by having the child engage in elements of mindfulness. This type of 'neuroception' encourages readers to learn to recognize emotional states and attachments in the body, and how to transition from a reactive to a reflective emotional state. Neuroception includes a practice of awareness and insight, allowing children to confidently be in control of their emotions, such as by calmly understanding their own emotional reactions and responding constructively instead of impulsively.

Not only does Siegel discuss the steps to form an affect-regulating brain, but he focuses frequently on the power of connection. He argues that by parents engaging intimately with the world their child inhabits, they will achieve a secure attachment which allows for deep understanding instead of merely imparting words. He acknowledges that this may not be easy, especially in trying times, but that ultimately it will result in happier and healthier individuals who create nurturing relationships with themselves, others, and their environment.

Finally, Siegel turns his focus on empathy, which he sees as a result of emotional availability and a secure attachment relationship. He explains that this provides a safe emotional environment, which allows a child to build self-esteem, authentic trust in another, and the capacity to have genuine compassion. It is with this empathy that Siegel believes children can learn to fully comprehend their innate vulnerability, while also celebrating the uniqueness of their individuality.

At the core of The Power of Showing Up is the notion that families will benefit from spending quality time with their children, engaging with them on an emotional level, and allowing for attachment to form between parent and child. Through mindfulness, connection, and empathy, Siegel argues that not only will children be able to develop the disease resilience to weather life's inevitable struggles, but that the parent-child relationship will become a source of security and strength.